Sunday, 11 October 2015

Fall in my heart

"Walk away quietly in any direction and taste the freedom of the mountaineer. Camp out among the grasses and gentians of glacial meadows, in craggy garden nooks full of nature's darlings. Climb the mountains and get their good tidings, Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves. As age comes on, one source of enjoyment after another is closed, but nature's sources never fail." - John Muir

Just like there are seasons in nature, there are also seasons within me. Some of them are painted in autumn colors, melancholic and rainy while others are full of joy and sunshine, like the hottest summer by the Adriatic sea. Some of them are lasting as long as the seasons in nature, while others have the ability to change faster than the transition of day and night. But I feel them all.

Going to the Mountains is going Home, said my really good friend that I have never met - John Muir. And for the past few years that has been the exact definition of my own home.

But shortly after I had moved to London an idea was planted inside me. An idea that even London can become my place to be. In order to make it happen I had to find a home within myself. So i put my shoes on and went for this long hike. 

I was trying to get used to the noise and accept it, but I simply couldn't let go. I used to lay in my bed and imagined it being the wind that flows through my hair and moves the leaves while I am taking a walk through the fogy forest in the late afternoon. But I heard no melody I could enjoy.

Secondly I was trying to get into the flow with the speed of turbulent waves that are rushing through the city like there is no tomorrow. Somehow, somewhere, at some point I have just plugged in without even noticing and I was hooked. I became a short distance runner that I never was. Suddenly, everything became a race. My route to work, my ride to the market and in the end even my path to the nearest park.

I was a little human caught in a massive vortex while my body became an erupting volcano trying to compensate disconnectedness I felt between myself and the city that I love and hate at the same time. 

And still I was not ready to accept the defeat between my nature and my new idea. 

Until I finally got a chance to go back and visit my real "temple" during the last couple of days. I really needed it, but at the same time I was afraid that those three days in Slovenia simply won't be enough to contemplate the storm of emotions raging inside me. 

But they were enough. As soon as we landed I saw it coming. As underslept as I was at that point, my body just ran towards the arms of the Alps. My lungs started gasping for air because now i realized that I was choking more than ever. I took my brother Jure and my flatmate Luc to share the experience with me, but I was to disconnected to share. I did not want to talk. I hated words at that time. I felt so intoxicated with words that all that I wanted was just a silent conversation with Him. 
And there He was, standing so peacefully and still in front of me. My mountain. My strength. Jalovec.

He was not touched by my presence in any way. He simply was there. Belonging.

Jalovec (2,645 m) on the far right.

And there I was standing completely naked in front of the face of these majestic mountains, watching how a volcano inside me became a river, slowly gaining a movement and joining the stream. Watching how a sound of the spring fell down from the nearby mountain into a waterfall straight through my shivering body. 

I have realized how much I was craving these sounds. And the smell and stillness of the surrounding nature that was glowing like gold in all its autumn glory. I felt my body is waking up. Anxiety was slowly fading away while I started feeling pain all over my body. And sadness. And fear. And disappointment. And finally the relief has started coming into my being. 

And I am grateful that I have got to experience all of this. What I know now is, that all of these emotions within me are good and as important as joy and happiness. And most importantly, I know where I belong. I know where my home is. 

But none of these could happen without me moving to London and forming such an intense relationship with this special city. Connecting with it and disconnecting at the same time. And that is when my people come in. So many beautiful souls and moments that I would never have. I feel privileged. I feel rich.

One Love <3

Photos made by me and my Nokia. © 

Thursday, 20 August 2015

Heaven is just another name for Earth. Lake District.

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, 
places to play in and pray in, 
where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. 
-John Muir

In my dictionary, the idea of home that we have can be anywhere on this planet.

However, there was this period of time during the first few months after moving to London when I would feel lost and sometimes a bit down while trying to absorb the energy of this humongous urban jungle. I wanted to connect with the city; to live it, to engage and play with it.

And when I got to the point where I finally thought that this is it, my idea was brought down after just one flight back to Slovenia, to the sunny side of Alps.

Endless landscapes, warmth of the family and friends, beauty of the people, addictive mountain air and finally, the energy from the mountains that were rising in front of me was just mind blowing. Mesmerizing. Hypnotic.

I felt the onrush of emotions with every breath I took. The landscape and mountains in particular have this superpower to bring out all of me. And I felt so alive till the very end when I arrived to the airport a few days later with this big lump in my throat and all I could think of was how I did not want to go back to England, despite the fact that there are some really special souls waiting for me there. That is when I became aware of how transitory all these moments are.

By the time I stepped in front of our door in London and saw big smiley faces of my dear friends, my tears dried up, the sun greeted me and I was home again.

But still something was missing.

I simply wasn't able to completely dive in and embrace the beauty and energy the city offers when you are open and willing to accept it. 

Luckily, train tickets to Lake District arrived and the train would be waiting for me by the end of July. Little did I know that this train ride will be one of the most beautiful rides i ever had. Horizons that I knew before expanded within every new landscape that passed by my eyes. I said to myself this is it, welcome to Heaven.

And I was chanting this mantra for the whole week while talking to Renata and Edu who welcomed me in their home. All I had to do was to put my shoes on and go out for a walk, for a hike.

I also realized how much I missed the rain. I felt so grateful and privileged every night, before drowning into a long, deep sleep, because i was there, alive, able to open the window, smell the fresh air and listen to the playful sound of raindrops. My favorite lullaby. 

All this nature that is surrounding us is simply fascinating. It puts me at peace. I connect and relax. I slow down. I am here. Now. The complete opposite of the concrete jungle, where I used to feel that i am everywhere and nowhere at the same time. And than Renata grounded me by the end of my stay. We started talking about how everything is transitory. Time, sadness, rain, lovers, melancholy, moments. We.

I don't know what happened a few days latter but everything came in place and for a few moments i felt that even London can be my home now. 


Thank you Renata and Edu for sharing and having me there  <3

Photos made by me and my Nokia. © 


Monday, 13 July 2015

Dom [Home].

Aljažev dom v vratih (1015m) - Stenar (2501m) - Bovški gamsovec (2392m) - Kriški podi (2050m) - Planja (2453m) - Razor (2601m)

“Najlepša gora je prazen nič, dokler se ne začrta v človekovo zavest. 
           In nasprotno: šele človekova zavest ožari goro z lepoto.” - Stanko Klinar

Medtem ko slonim v vrsti potnikov z obrazom prilepljenim na stekleno steno malega predora, ki vodi v notranjost letala, se ozrem v prelepo naravo, ki se rezprostira pred menoj; svet, ki ga bom v naslednjih nekaj mesecih najbolj pogresala. In v istem trenutku se mi po obrazu nehote ulije nov slap solza, ki ga ne zmorem več nadzorovati. K sreči se gruča potnikov pred menoj začne premikati naprej proti kabini letala in kmalu se brisoč solze zgrudim na sedež

Ko naposled le poletimo, z očmi iscem obrise mojih ljubih Alp, a gore oblakov, ki letijo mimo mojega okna so edino gorovje, ki ga vidim.
Misli mi udijeo na ta zadnji, neznosno vroč nedeljski večer, ko je končno napočil čas, da se vrnem tja gor - na zrak, domov, v gore.

Ura je bila malo cez polnoč, ko sva se z polnimi nahrbtniki in velikimi nasmehi na obrazu skupaj z Majo znasli v dolini Vrat in mimo Aljaževega doma zakorakali v tiho noč. Zrak je bil še vedno neprimerljivo topel, na nebu se je sem ter tja sprehajalo nekaj zvezd, v gozdu pred nama pa je vladala prava tisina. Sem ter tja jo je zmotil najin korak, pa se je na koncu tudi ta zlil z mirom, ki je vel po dolini.

Kam to noč - sploh ni bilo vprašanje. Ze nekaj časa sanjam o njem, saj se mi je zdelo, da zna prav tam zgoraj biti se posebej udoben naslonjač, iz katerega je moč doživeti enega najvelicastnejših soncnih vzhodov. In vendarle je prisel pravi cas, da ga obiscem, pa ne samo zaradi naslonjača ampak zaradi vrha samega, ki se mi je prikupil že nekaj let nazaj. Stenar mu je ime.

Pot se najprej strmo vzpenja skozi pas gozda, vendar tudi ko prestopiva prag med gozdom in rušjem se le-ta nič ne polozi ampak poskrbi, da se clovek prizemlji tam, v tistem momentu, skupaj s svojim korakom in dihom.
Ko se dvigneva malo višje po meliscu se za kratek cas ustaviva in malo posediva. Znajdem se v enem lepsih trenutkov, ko se zazrem naokrog v temo in vidim temne obrise mogocnih sten, ki naju objemajo.

Za nama, nad Kredarico se je prikazala luna in zacela skupaj z nama plezati ona proti vrhu Triglava, me pa v soju čelnih svetilk proti vrhu te magične doline, Sovatne. Zame je postala prav posebna nekaj let nazaj, ko sem na njenih pobočjih dozivela svet kozorogov in se danes ne znam najti besed, ki bi opisale tisto kar se je takrat dogajalo znotraj v meni ob pogledu na trop neverjetno mocnih zivali, vem pa da je bila čast in privilegij. 

Ko sva prisli do Dovskih vrat, se tam ponovno odpre povsem nov svet; usmeriva se po poti, ki vodi proti vrhu Stenarja. Ko se naposled le vsedeva v naslonjač se predstava prične. In zares je bila veličastna.

Sele takrat zacutim, kako se vsaka, se najmanjsa misica mojega telesa sprosti, v tistem trenutku ko se dvigne ognjeni planet in se začno po nebu razprostirati sončni žarki, ter z nesteto odtenki barvati obrise okoliskih gora na obzojru. Vame se po dolgih mesecih norenja skozi Londonsko džunglo, naseli pravi mir in takrat končno spet pristanem.

Moj pogled se je premikal od grebena do grebena, od vrha do vrha. Bil sem nad vsem in onstran vsega, dvignil sem se še višje, nad svoje zemeljske čute. Le mila toplina pod poznim popoldanskim soncem in slan okus ob robu ustnic sta me opozarjala na mojo zemeljsko dimenzijo.
- Matija Klemše

Skupaj z Majo se prepustiva razgledom in toplemu jutranjemu soncu, ter si malo pred zacetkom prav posebno vrocega poletnega dne v raju pogrneva zajtrk. Opoj gora naju je obe prevzel in bolj kot potujem sem ter tja po tem svetu, bolj razumem kaj je mislil France Avcin, ko je v eni svojih knjig napisal: "Ena sama dezelica mi lahko s svojo naravo izpolnjuje celo življenje. 

Prevzete od razgledov se ob spogledovanju z mogocno triglavsko steno klepetaje zacneva premikati proti Bovskemu Gamsovcu, da ujameva se drugo perspektivo. Srce pospesi utrip in oblije me hvaleznost ob pogledu na bogastvo, ki me obdaja, nakar se zavem, da mi tocno tukaj in zdaj popolnoma nic ne manjka. Pogled sprehodim naokoli in nazaj proti Stenarju, kjer se po kraljestvu Kriskih podov podijo sem ter tja gamsi in naposled me sonce vendarle prestavi iz sanj v realnost, zato se hitro podvizam, da sem Maji kaj kmalu spet za petami in ji tako sledim do samega vrha. 

Kot dva derviša sva se skupaj z nahrbtniki in odprtimi usti vrteli sredi vrha Gamsovca, saj je iz njega Triglavska stena in celotna krona vrhov okoli kriskih podov videti se velicastnejsa. Malo utrujeni od ponocevanja se odlocno zlekneva po tleh kar tam, na gori. Vendar je ze nekaj minut kasneje sonce prevzelo celotno okolico in naju spodilo do Pogacnikovega doma, kjer sva pomalicali in se ulegli v senci kar po klopcah. A tudi tam nama vrocina in nemir v nogah nista dala miru, zato sva jo na tisti peklensko vroci popoldan v raju mahnili se na Planjo, Razor pa prihranili za jutranji sprehod.

Hvala Maja, ker si delila te trenutke z mano! Mislim, da naju caka se veliko prigod v prihodnje ;) 

Vsem, ki pa ste pogresali tale blog pa obljubim, da se bom malo bolj potrudila v prihodnje ;) Pa hvala za vse vzpodbude!

Se opravicujem za pomanjkanje stresic na c - z - s. Zal mi jih tale angleska tipkovnica ne dopusca.

Photos made by me and Nokia. Make sure u ask before u use or abuse. ©